It’s been over a year now.
We have struggled. We have kept on. We have succeeded at some things. We have learned.
I missed posting for the actual one year anniversary of our quarantine on March 17 when the kids got sent home and my husband got sent home, when we stopped visiting my parents, when we couldn’t see my grandma anymore, when so many people couldn’t see their grandmas anymore…and then some of us never again.
It’s been the longest year.
And while there is sadness and loss in these words for this, the longest year, I am weighed down by another loss that burdens my heart at the start of every spring. Thirteen years ago I had a miscarriage. I was a couple of months along and we had just had the first ultrasound and heard that heart beating for the first time. There was a new baby blanket.
It was devastating. It still is devastating.
I think about her- in my dreams I have a daughter and my son has a sister. The thoughts are usually fleeting but on these days of early spring, it’s hard to stop the memories and the tears…another woman lost her baby the same night, in that emergency room. I think about her, too.
Maybe this was too much after the roller coaster of emotions and tragedies and triumphs over the last year. But so much happens to us in our lives that we don’t share and sometimes it’s easier to carry the load if we put it out into the universe, even if it’s the universe of work and business. My work relationships are personal. Isn’t it all personal? Shouldn’t it be?
I have had an emotional and trying few weeks. Much has fallen apart in the “work” part of my life, and I think it made today feel much heavier this year. Maybe it’s good to be forced into this reflection, although mourning this loss is painful. I am forced to focus on where I stand and whether the things I am prioritizing make sense. See? It’s personal.
Let’s take care of each other.
